We live in a world that is largely "sexually negative" and most of us have spent many years internalizing the message that sex is bad/dirty/wrong/guilty/dangerous. For those of us, their gender identity, gender expression, skin and body are systematically marginalized in our culture, and the message "you are wrong" can be suffocating. This toxic information meets the inevitable fact that sex evokes profound vulnerability-physical and psychological nakedness. The result is a perfect storm of struggle!
But here's a modern twist. Today, we are not only bombarded with humiliation and silent information about sex. We also absorbed a series of well-meaning messages to encourage us to have confidence in the bedroom.
Sexual confidence is not about "being better" in bed. This has nothing to do with ripping your abs or big breasts. And it doesn't come from a lot of sex.
Although this may mean different things to different people, the core of sexual confidence is to make your body feel comfortable, know the pleasure you deserve and be able to express what you like and listen to the needs of your sexual partner.
There are three ways to eliminate those negative thinking patterns to build confidence and rewrite sexual narratives.
1. Forget the haters
During sex, people are often troubled by weird thoughts-Don't like the look of your breasts, buttocks or thighs? Don't sweat.
What we forget is that another person is just as vulnerable as we are and may be thinking the same thing.
Sex is a two-way thing. It is not only up to you to make sure that making love is "great". Therefore, please ignore what you are thinking and just make the experience to be what it is.
Confidence in sex is to keep in touch with feelings, not six pack abs. You can always try to make your body look better. It will not affect your sexual confidence
2. Talk about the reasons that are holding you back.
If you know what prevents you from feeling confident during intercourse, discuss it with your partner. Sometimes, we don’t bring up the following uncomfortable topics: negative body image
Maybe you have gained some weight, or you have just given birth, but you are not as sexy as before. When you’re uncomfortable in your skin it can be hard to let go sexually and allow yourself to enjoy the act. Don't forget to remind yourself that you are still sexually attractive and sexual, and get rid of the notion that you must be fat-free, or have a certain weight or weight to enjoy sex.
3. Focus on your feeling
One of the best ways to build sexual confidence is by learning what you like and dislike. This means being completely honest with yourself and don't apologize for it. And, because your sexual orientation is rooted in a better understanding of yourself, understanding yourself at a more intimate level can help you build healthier sexual self-esteem.
As we all know, we only have a certain amount of attention at any time. If we are distracted or busy with our thoughts, then we will not fully experience the sensations in the body.
Check in with your feeling, because adjusting them is a great way to switch your attention to the present moment -the right here, right now.